The Voss Dufour World Tour

When booking tickets we were told the bus had beds. Yes, beds. Of course being told many many things about other bus experiences that didn’t come to fruition, I didn’t hold my breath. How can a bus have beds? Well believe me when I tell you that they can and they do.

Promptly as told we were at our guesthouse at 5pm for our transfer to the bus station. There were 7 of us from this particular guesthouse, getting to know each other as we waited. 5pm came and went. As did 5:15 and 5:30. At one point, a young woman was picked up by a minivan, saying her goodbyes to friends at our guesthouse who told us she was also going to Hanoi. Hmm, but I didn’t think much of it because trying to inject common sense into things in the third world just isn’t worth the fustration.  Then around 5:40pm, a tuk tuk,, with 4 other people in it, swings by and loads up our luggage. We take off for a tour around town, picking up 4 others in the process. Yes we are now 15 or so people, all with big backpacks jammed into a tuk tuk. But that’s how they roll in SE Asia.

We drop some guy off at one bus station, but not ours. Apparently he’s headed to Bangkok. 15 minutes later, we swing into a side alley road where there is a big greyhound type bus waiting for 3 of our passengers. After all this, we hit the road again, wondering when we will arrive at our bus station. Then I recognize where we are, pretty much a couple blocks over from where we were picked up. Perhaps not the most efficient system, but to each their own. Kyra and I look at each other and raise our eyebrows wondering what’s going on. So eventually, close to an hour after pick up, we pull into a bus terminal, to be greeted by the young woman that was picked up from our guesthouse earlier that evening.

Before getting off the tuk tuk, we exchange our paper tickets for “proper” tickets, complete with seat or bed assignments. When our reservations were made, we were told that we were all together. Riiiiiiiiiight. Our seats didn’t seem to indicate that, but we figured we would sort it out on the bus. Why try and explain that to some guy who didn’t speak English and just stared at you as if you had 12 eyes?

Turns out our bus departure time was 7pm and about 20 minutes before, we board, but only 3 at a time, removing our shoes and

putting them in a bag as soon as we stepped onto the first step of the bus. I am not really sure how to describe the bed/seat arrangement, but will try.

There are 3 rows, going down the length of the bus. Each “seat” is about 5 1/2 feet long (I know sbecause I fit into it with no problem! Yay for being short!  The head and back part of your seat can go up and down like a beach chair and your feet, from the knees down fit under the head and back part of the seat/bed in front of you. In between some of the beds, is an attached metal shelf converted into a bed with the placement of a padded “mattress.” Those people miss out on the moveable head and back part. Oh, and there are people whose seats are 3 inches off the floor and then an upper bunk, about 5 feet up. An efficient use of space, but bummer if you are short.

Upon boarding, we were directed to our assigned seats. Turns out Kyra, Matthijs and James were in the middle section of the bus while I was in the very back next to the toilet, which smelled just as bus toilets do when the door opens up. Like petunias. The bus is split, about half Laos people and half foreigners like us. Well, at least the top bunks are as I can’t see down below.  I caught the attention of one bus guy, pointed to my ticket, indicated the bunk next to James and said some basic words in English like “friends, boyfriend etc” hoping to get my point across. He stared at me and then shook his head in a manner that indicated no-way-will-I-jump-into-that-burning-fire-of-poisinous-gases-with-you. One English guy didn’t like his bottom bunk, complaining how he couldn’t stretch out, so he moved into the open bed next to James where I was eyeing to move.

Immediately 2 Laos men descended on him, yelling at him in Laos and furiously pointing to his original bunk, probably demanding he moved back, but seeing as how none of us spoke Laos, we can only hazard a guess. Words fail me on how to truly convey the intensity of the yelling and their anger that he had moved. I haven’t truly been yelled at much in my life, much less in another language, but I would imagine that to be yelled at in a Romance Language, well it might be possible to suss a couple words out, perhaps communicate your point. But not in Laos. No way shape or form.  Watching this unfold was quite entertaining and made me think my chances of moving were diminishing.

Then some other bus guy came all the way to the back of the bus and yelled and pointed at me. Again, seeing as how I don’t understand Laos I had no idea what he wanted or why his anger was being directed at me. Turns out, he wasn’t angry, or perhaps he was, but he was just yelling for someone to grab the mattresses which were located behind my seat. So another Laos bus guy climbed up the ladder and pretty much onto my lap. Again, keep in mind, I still didn’t know what was going on at this point. I am kinda moving out of the way, but without a place to go as I have two people sitting, or laying, directly to my left, about 1.5 inches from me.

He then starts to reach under me and as I didn’t want to get groped by a Laos guy, I moved onto the lap of the nice young English woman next to me. The bus guy starts to pull mattresses out from behind us and toss them forward. They hit our heads as he swings them out and knock the guy in front of me. There were about 8 mattresses. We couldn’t escape their trajectory.

Meanwhile as all this is going on, 2 people, on separate occasions,, walk to the back to use the bathroom. Another Laos bus guy comes back, again, yells at them in Laos (Prior to this, I wouldn’t think the Laos people were so into yelling….what did I know.) and points to the door, with an angry shake of the head. As if that’s to indicate why they couldn’t use it. Each woman looks mystified and tries to explain that they really need to go. To which the Laos guy again yells, shakes his head and points to the door. The women look at me, shrug and walk back. (Eventually the bathroom was opened for business. Thank god.)

So that brings you up to speed. I didn’t get to move. The guy who is next to James got to stay there. That’s what I get for playing  by the rules I guess. Next time, I will just have to throw my weight around.  I hope the rest of the trip is eventful, but do know that if it isn’t, you will have a first hand play by play of whatever goes down!